Bad Day

I don’t remember the last bad day I had with pain from the divorce. Sure, there have been headaches and eye rolls, but not deep pain. That’s a blessing. That’s healing.

But yesterday was different. Yesterday was an important day. Yesterday was a day I would have had if not for the divorce. I was looking through photos to create a happy/celebratory text and came across a photo that used to be my favorite. My heart instantly broke again. The once-happy photo now has the context of all the betrayal and lies I didn’t know existed at the time. The once-happy photo was another knife in the back of not being chosen year over year over year.  It was a reminder of the time stolen from my past and my future.

I cried. A lot.
Then I went to church.
And cried some more.

I felt better leaving church. There was communion - a tangible reminder of the sacrifice and hope from God.  The path of healing from betrayal trauma is a complicated one. I would have never come as far as I have without a strong and firm foundation in my faith.

I was driving around to clear my head and came to a corner that felt like a glitch in the matrix. To the right, all the trees had changed. To my left, all the trees had stayed the same. I sat there for a while – thinking & praying (and grateful nobody came up behind me). 

We get to decide which direction we look.
We get to decide when we change.
We get to decide which path forward we want to take.

From an old Mel Robbins post, “You are not to blame for what has happened to you in your past, but you are responsible for healing yourself and creating a new future.”

Keep healing and looking to the future.

XX,
Langley