Dating Isn't Personal
Yup. We are to that point in my journey – ha!
Saying that dating isn’t personal might sound funny and totally counterintuitive. But, if you know me in real life, you know that I’ll often take you on a journey and wind up at a very valid point. So buckle up…
Dating. Isn’t. Personal. If everyone was meant for anyone, what would be special about finding your person? You could pick any random person and just make it work. I’m in a few singles groups and it breaks my heart how down on themselves people will get after a first date goes badly, or if someone doesn’t call them back. I’d rather have dozens of bad dates versus trying to force something that isn’t a fit. You could be fishing in the wrong pond, or at the wrong time, or for the wrong fish! Sure, rejection stings, but nobody would pick a puzzle piece from one box and get upset that it didn’t fit into the picture of another box.
You can be an awesome person who isn’t right for another awesome person – and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! Dating should be a fun way to see if someone has a personality and core values you’re attracted to– and after dating for a period of time, THEN you both get to decide if the other person someone you are willing to commit to. At that point, it becomes a CHOICE versus a FIT.
I hope that if you are reading this (and dating) that you don’t get down if things don’t go well on a date - or 10. If things aren’t an easy fit at the beginning, don’t be sad – be glad – you saved yourself some time! Because after the bliss bubble wears off you would have had to fight an emotionally invested uphill battle.
Once you find a match, things shift. You have the opportunity to be vulnerable and let your walls down in a relationship. Vulnerability is beautiful and scary all at once; it allows you to grow a deeper connection, but it unfortunately opens the door for pain and disappointment. I don’t know about your childhood, but when I was growing up, an angry mom was nothing compared to a disappointed mom. Letting someone down feels terrible, but I never thought about it from the other side. I’ve been made acutely aware that disappointment is often harder to carry than anger for the aggrieved party. Anger can feel impersonal, because it’s directed externally, but disappointment is an internal expectation that was left unmet – you just have to sit with it.
As a person of faith, I truly believe that God has a path for each of us. Not that we don’t have choices, but God has “…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 This brings me so much peace. The hard times can be a lesson and make space for growth – not only within yourself, but also towards God.
So, did we get there? Dating isn’t personal. Dating should be fun looking for a match, not judging when we don’t fit with someone else. We are all beautiful, complex puzzles. I hope you all enjoy this one amazing adventure we have in this life!
