A Proverbs 31 Man
No, that isn’t a typo. Someone very special to me brought up the Proverbs 31 woman and the question was raised, “what type of man is best for a Proverbs 31 woman?” It really got my mind turning and thinking about what I’m looking for in my forever partner (and what I hope you have, or find, or are for someone). But first, know I AM NOT anything close to a Biblical scholar, these are my layperson thoughts. Here is a reminder of the ‘virtuous woman’ described in the beautiful poem that is Proverbs 31: 10-31
Y’all… I had to include the verse where she isn’t afraid of snow. Excuse me as I laugh with my Minnesota accent! To the original audience, snow was an unexpected event they weathered, but for me, it’s just another day. Easiest Biblical obedience ever!!
Ok, back to the point at hand. A virtuous woman does not exist in a vacuum. She exists alongside a community, possibly children, and a lucky partner. I could go deep on a few of these (and I just might… let’s see where my brain takes us), but at a high level:
Her worth is above rubies – value her. (so many thoughts on this)
Her partner can trust her, safely. (ugh, coming back to this)
She does good, not evil – reciprocate this.
She makes decisions – honor her decisions.
She understands the value of things – trust her opinions.
She helps the poor and needy – support her in those efforts.
She is not afraid of snow – help her to be prepared.
Strength and honor are her clothing. (Also gets more thoughts below)
She has wisdom and kindness – listen to her and reflect that kindness.
Her children and partner praise her. (BIG thoughts below)
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing – fall in love with her soul, not her surface.
Ok, time to buckle up…
Value her. She is a treasure. It’s so easy to put other things above people who care about us. Our time is limited and as we get to set our priorities, she should be right at the top. Otherwise, over time, she becomes less important and is lost. Without ever being given any answers, I assume this was part of the reason my husband slowly left me over many years. He lost sight of my value and chose to find that elsewhere.
Trust her. Safely. The best relationships are open and vulnerable ones. Share thoughts, fears, troubles, dreams, wounds. Trust that if you do or say the wrong thing, that she sees your heart, not the misstep. Here’s the strange thing about this verse though, there are MANY mentions in the bible about trusting God: Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding”, Jeremiah 17:7 “But Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.”, Psalm 37:3 “Trust in the Lord and do good”, Psalm 56:4 “… in God I trust and am not afraid”, etc, etc, etc. This puts the virtuous wife in a special, reverent position and implies the trust in a woman should have a spiritual grounding.
Strength and honor are her clothing. This has two parts. A man should not be intimidated by a woman’s strength or capabilities; it should be celebrated and appreciated! But strength can also sometimes hide insecurity and hurt. It’s important to look past the strength and see what’s beneath the surface and to be gentle with her. The second part, value her honor. Honor her in your words about her to others, honor her in your actions, honor her by being honest when your heart turns.
Praise her. This. I feel like this is the key to it all. Proverbs 31:28-29 “Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.” As someone with a love language of words of affirmation, maybe I’m biased, but I think this is the most important thing. Saying good things to her and about her do so many things: they remind/confirm to HER that she is valued and seen by you, they ground her, they remind HER of who she is when she’s down, but they also remind YOU of her worth. “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” Luke 6:45 & Matthew 12:34
Wow… have you really made it this far?! Bless you! I want to be intentional with who I date. I want to make sure they have the POTENTIAL to do everything above. I want to find someone who wants to stand alongside me as I work towards becoming a Proverbs 31 woman. I’d rather be slow and intentional than waste any more time on men who don’t even attempt to see who I am at my core. But on a first date? Just feed me tacos and tell me I’m pretty.
XO ~ Langley
