The Power of Choosing YOU & Raising Your Standards
Something magical happened last week. Actually, I take that back. I don’t know that I’ve ever ugly-cried at magic. Something groundbreaking happened. I chose myself. It wasn’t easy. It broke apart something I really treasured. It wasn’t evidence-based. I didn’t overthink it to death and then not act. I expressed a need, it could not be met, I ended a relationship.
If you don’t know me in real life, you don’t know what a stubborn problem-solver I am. I pride myself on being flexible and adaptable to anything. I’m not a people pleaser in the traditional sense, but I am so go with the flow that I’m often swept up in it. I hate giving up, I hate not being successful at something. I will try to make a romantic relationship work until someone crosses my very black and white line of infidelity.
That’s what happened in my marriage and in every relationship since… except for one. Instead of allowing myself to slowly feel more and more empty until I was broken, I named a core need that wasn’t being met. Y’all – it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done! I can talk feelings and handle conflict, but what I’m feeling and what I NEED IN ORDER TO FEEL LOVED are very different things. It felt like I was giving control away, he could decide not to provide it. I felt vulnerable and exposed. But I wasn’t giving away control, I was taking it. I need ‘XYZ.’ – reasonably and clearly stated.
It didn’t work out. Things ended. Heart broken. But something changed in me. I already feel different. I’ve decided to raise my standards.
****ok, total GOD moment… I have a podcast playing as I write this and the host just began talking about this exact point! This was my ‘game changer relationship’ – but unlike the podcast it wasn’t toxic and negative and he’s an amazing person who I hope stays in my life – he just couldn’t fulfill a basic need of mine, despite his best efforts. I’ve never listened to podcasts while blogging – too many words flying around. So thanks, God, for the timing and for the gift of clarity you’ve blessed upon Case : PODCAST LINK****
Ok, back to my words. Risen standards. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. No more relationships of convenience. No more chasing, only being chosen. No more being an afterthought. No more accepting attention as compatibility. No more being blinded by potential. I deserve someone intentional who sees my value and treasures that. No expectations, only standards - high ones.
XOXO - Langley
