Gym Date with God
The weekend church service cracked my heart wide open. I’m still trying to unpack and process ALLLL the things, but that’s for another day…
Last night I went to bed with peace in my heart. But before falling asleep sleep, I thought it would be smart to book a workout for the next day to get me out of the house and get a mental break.
I woke up, read a devotional, and then questioned my judgment about booking an 8:30am weekend workout class. So I stayed in bed until the last minute scrolling TikTok. I found a really neat video about trusting the process. I recorded a short reaction video, and planned to do a video at my workout, and then one with my healthy lunch, and more with my books.
That was my plan. Little did I know, I was about to discover it was the wrong plan…
I get to my workout and realize that some paper decorations I created for the studio YEARS ago had been found and repurposed as a front-desk congratulations for showing up for yourself. A little secret “welcome back” that made me smile.
Just before class I realized that my heart rate monitor wasn’t registering on the status board. I took it to the front desk and they said they’d work on it and bring it to me during class. Even though 2 days earlier it had worked just fine for class, it was kaput. They lent me a studio one so I’d at least get metrics and when I put it on, it jumped to 32, 35, but stuck on 33% and despite 10 minutes of all outs and cool downs and moving it 3 places on my arm, it would always return to 33%. 3s are a holy and very special number to me.
As I was on the treadmill, not getting “credit” for the work I was putting in, I thought to myself, “Why do I need credit? Who do I really need to show? I’m the only one who needs to be accountable for and proud of the work I do.” I scrapped the idea of the TikTok, and I decided it was a good idea to take a break from social media for a while. It takes up lots of idle time, and the likes and comments and feedback can feel performative at times. I want to be sure my heart and eyes are focused on the right goal – healing
I was excited for my new plan and then our coach told us to move from the treadmill to the rower. I sat down, logged on, and the reflection of my shirt was staring back at me. It was a beautiful reminder. My heart lightened, and then MY HEART MONITOR jumped into the orange – and worked the rest of class!! I believe this was God telling me that was the right path. I didn’t touch the arm monitor moving to the rower. I’ve neglected working out for a while, so my heart should have kicked right into overdrive. I have NEVER had that much time in the gray… EVER – even on a rest day.
So many other things happened: Our final tread sprint, coach yelled at us, “This is your last chance, how hard are you going to work?!” Then during weights he came to me specifically and asked, “Think you can lift something heavier?” I got a little choked up and said, “Yes, I can”… a needed reminder (and I did double my weight). The last 2 minutes he was encouraging the whole class and yelled over the speakers, “What are you going to do for yourself? You showed up. You’re doing the work. Make yourself proud!”
I left the gym feeling 100lbs lighter and with a new clarity of what my next steps should look like. I’ll be off social media (not 100%, but maybe 20 minutes monthly to check messages), but I do still plan to blog… it’s therapeutic for me to process things in writing. I have also found that vulnerability can give others help, hope, or at least lessen the feeling of being alone. Our pain can serve a greater purpose, and the human experience is much more similar than we think. I also appreciate that this blog is one-way. I don’t get hearts or shares or other dopamine feedback.
If you’re reading this, I’m praying for you.
Hugs ~Langley
